It's not always been easy.
One day, I might share the entire story, but for now, know this: being a "skinny" girl has it's ups and downs just like any body size. It's something you have to talk quietly about depending on who you're with. There are insecurities. There are clothes that simply don't fit. And people still make unkind comments.
There's always something,
you can compare yourself to, even though you know it's not helpful or fair.
But I have - you have - a choice to make. A question to answer.
"If this is the size I am, what can I do to learn to love it?"
For me, that's been through sewing. At least, initially. Because to be frank, clothes rarely fit correctly growing up.
When I turned eleven years old, all I wanted was to have a shopping spree at the mall with my best friend. She could easily fit into Juniors clothing. I, however, was the size of about an 8 year old and had to shop in the little girl's department. I'll never forget going into the dressing room and slipping on those "cool" jeans - without unbuttoning or unzipping them.
I let go.
And they slid back down.
"You'll never be normal," I heard a voice whisper. And I believed that lie for a long time.
Fast forward to today - where I can go shopping and find something that fits. Sometimes, it even "fits like a glove." But the journey...that journey took years of figuring out who I am. Not based on my body type, what I could or couldn't pull off, but what I could make work. A lot of times that meant tailoring.
Forging my own path.
Not without struggle (and a seam ripper). Not without tears upon tears.
If you follow me on Snapchat (Tara Pattengale), you know that yesterday I went shopping for what to wear for my Engagement Session (Eeeep!). You also know that what I thought would be a simple fix, is going to be a bit more involved.
But instead of going back to, "See. Even in the happiest moments of life, you still can't fit into anything..." type of lies, I take a deep breath and choose a different perspective. And because I've made this a habit, it's a lot easier to confidently say,
I got this.
And it's going to look ridiculously amazing when I'm done.
No, like, really. Wah!
P.S. There is a difference between vanity & self worth (but that's for another post).
So if you've struggled with feeling like you have nothing to wear or that you can never be happy with your weight (maintaining or losing), choose a different perspective. Get dressed. Be kind to yourself. You're not alone, but you will convince yourself that you are if you stay in that state of mind. Girl, where is the fun in that? There isn't any.
You deserve better.
Because you ARE better than that.
...and freaking gorgeous!
Here's to the weekend (read: mending & creating for me)!